Tuesday 26 December 2006

The right time and place


I referred to my uncertainty about starting at this time ...
not to the fact that I was writing at such a late hour, or to its being Christmas eve, though that did strike me as unusual (for me).
It was the whole business of having a blog at all; of having found myself involved in something which, only a few weeks ago, was a whole new concept to me: something that was there, something very real, something very much alive, but which, though not entirely unheard of, existed without any bearing whatever on my own life.
That I should somehow have allowed myself to become caught – however slightly – in its web, had taken me a little by surprise; that this should have happened at this time of year, when people’s minds – my own included – are so full of other things, added to that surprise.
I had gone from being someone who had not even looked at a blog, (what is a blog?), to somebody with one of his own, and who still had not looked at another blog until after beginning to post!

This did, for a moment, place my surprise at the level of astonishment …
but as quickly as did my doubts arise, they were dispelled and replaced by a reassurance that this is one of the places where I am meant to be; and the reasons for being here were suddenly so clear and seemingly obvious.
As for starting at this time? – what better time for the start of anything, than during the season of the birth of Jesus? A time when we recall the small beginnings of what was to become so great a power within our world.

The reasons for being here are centred on the simple fact that the world of blogs is a reflection of the real world as it is today.
The internet is exactly that, and is partly filled with much of the goodness we can imagine, produce, or hope for. It also contains much that is on a par with the realities of everyday living: the functional, the helpful, the necessary, as well as the useless, the superfluous, the merely attractive and the superficially desirable. It makes available to all, the immense forests of today’s marketplace, where both the supply and the demand are manufactured; where the driving force, in itself, is not one of evil, but where our own susceptibility and weakness result in the outcomes not always being good for ourselves and others.
It also gives space and prominence to that which is entirely contrary to the goodness which resides in each one of us. The product of the blackest corners of our natures: corners which are also to be found in ourselves, and which can so easily be enticed to walk more freely in the broader expanses of our lives by those who give free rein to them.
Everything we can conjure from our imagination, and much we could never have imagined, will be found waiting for us in what is not a virtual world, but a facsimile, a copy, an alluring shadow of the actual world in which we live. We may have to actively look for the worst of it, rather than finding it thrust upon us, but it is there.
“Seek and you shall find,” is frighteningly true in this world-wide web of availability.

Blogs? The same world: the same availability and accessibility: the same ranges of opinion, good and bad, loud and quiet: the same overall reflection of the real world. What gives blogs so much potential, is that they (to a greater extent) represent individuals: you, and you, and him, and her, and me …
“Seek and you shall find” ? The same is true, but its power is at once both weakened and strengthened by the reality of the one-to-one relationships that convey our thoughts to each other. It has the feel of walking through Galilee in a time without modern communications, not knowing whom we may meet, and relying upon the spoken word from a stranger to either attract or otherwise. Perhaps in this world of computer-screens and keyboards, we may chance upon the True Teacher: the Master who meets us at the well, in an empty and arid land.

An outwardly weakened power, as it is offered and conveyed by the apparent insignificance of a single person.
A strengthened power, as it may be conveyed and made available through the unassailable power of the Holy Spirit: a power beyond the confines of any voice that would restrain, deny or blaspheme against it.
The fragility of such voices is laid bare by their own strenuous but sterile efforts to undermine the faith of others, rather than to advance their own non-existent beliefs.
In the aggressive efforts of the actively ungodly, unbelief is portrayed as a flaccid state of mind wallowed in by the pathetic and the chronically hard-hearted. Unbelief in the mind of a thinking man is something to be approached, engaged, and (almost) admired: a state of mind which is in itself a form of longing, and one which, once engaged, can only serve to build upon the faith of both parties. The seeking unbeliever simply awaits a hand to lead him towards the edge which he or she senses, but from which he constantly veers away.

It is essential that when we are asked to speak out, we do not remain silent, or speak only where our voices are already known. Silence gives free access to indifference and evils that should never be given their freedom.
There are many who seek after truth, and all that is good; they also must be enabled to find that which they seek.
.

Sunday 24 December 2006

Following

A few hours ago, I was not sure whether this was a good time to have started posting to a blog, or, as I am experiencing it, to have started pouring out that which wells up within me.
Even that last sentence does not convey what I had set out to say, and yet, it lays the foundation for giving expression to an overflowing which I began to feel as soon as it was written.

Things are certainly not going as I thought I had planned.
It is as though my mind has been hijacked by a hacker: my own conscious thoughts dispersed, to be lost in the wake of an overwhelming yet unseen vessel, powering past me as soon as I have set sail for a distant shore. It heads in the same direction, but carries me with it instead of allowing me to make my own way.
I know I am not encountering it because it happens to be going my way: it has always forged ahead in the same direction. I am only urged on and guided by it, through a series of decisions that have led me to set out, and to persevere in the direction it has intended for me.

I am, for the moment - and such I hope to remain - a follower: a disciple.
I am led by the Spirit. I am led towards the other shore - away from the crowds – but not without being compelled to hold out my hands to those who stumble along the way: to steady them in the ways I have been steadied in my own times of need.

I must follow where I am led, trusting that my use of words will not too often lead me off the path; trusting that this same Holy Spirit will keep a tight rein on my imagination, my vanity, my pride; trusting that whenever I am called onwards, my inability to walk on water shall not allow me to fear stepping into the unknown: an unknown where that fear is abolished by the waiting hand of an ever present friend.

The hand of He whose birth is the real reason for the celebrations of which we are now a part, is held out to you. It is always held out to you!
Tomorrow we celebrate the birth of Jesus. The same Jesus who has died, who is risen, who is waiting to become your closest friend, and who is present in the power of that same Holy Spirit who has set me in motion on these pages.

I would ask that you add your prayer to my own: - that I shall not lead anyone astray through my thoughts and words while soliloquizing at the edge I have found for myself.

A peaceful, holy and joyful Christmas to you, to your families, and to all on whom your smile may fall during this awesome season.
.

Thursday 21 December 2006

The growth of awareness

How does one articulate an awareness that has grown from nothing, and has seemingly come from nowhere; an awareness that brings with it the beginnings of a knowledge that it has indeed come from somewhere: from an indefinable source that somehow beckons within us?

I heard of God during my childhood. My early years were enveloped in an undoubted and secure atmosphere of trust in a God I heard much about, knew little of, but whose existence and presence I never thought to doubt. The sun shone, the rain rained, the darkness came, and the dawn always – but always – came.
I heard of God, and, without knowing it, I heard from God.

It is only in this budding awareness that I am enabled to say that: only from my present vantage-point that I know He was always there, and that He continues to lead me whenever I am willing to be led, and, rather than leaving me to my own mistakes, He tracks me whenever I leave the path He has prepared for me.

It is through this process shadowing our lives that black and white first begins to blur into shades of grey. It is through the continuation of this same process that the shades of grey revert towards black and white once more; the dividing line between the two narrowing down to what is frequently experienced as a frighteningly thin screen: an almost non-existent separation between two opposites that vie for supremacy in every aspect of a sometimes anguished conscience.

This is where we can meet our truth; this is where the edge awaits our strength or our weakness, our
success or our failure, our acceptance or our rejection. This is where we either turn and run, or shut our minds in a pretence that will never admit to having been there.
Or shall we strive to take our place among the few?
Will we stand, and battle to take our place within the power of the Spirit? - the power that holds and empowers God's people? - the power available to all who are willing to become as lights in the darkness of today's world?
Will we dare to approach and linger at the edge?




Wednesday 20 December 2006

Wherever this may lead


Wherever this may lead, I hope it will lead both of us there: not just you, and not just me.
We may sojourn here awhile together, but it is in the nature of the very edge that we shall each travel our separate ways towards, or away from our goals. That we share a common destination is the only realization we can truly share, though our meeting, acknowledgement, and passing by, cannot help but feed us and bring that much needed hint of confirmation: - that quiet "Amen" to the sometimes doubted validity of our journey.

Inevitably we shall find ourselves alone at the very edge, but an awareness of other solitary minds close by, each with its own struggle, its own yearning, and its own longing for peace and truth, may enable us to remain close to the edge through every emotion, and in whatever situation or circumstance this day, or tomorrow, may bring.

Let us seek it, find it, and focus on it. Let us not hide from it, or run from it.
All things are dreamt and found at the very edge.



About Me

Who I am should be, and should remain, of little consequence to you. Who you are is what matters; who you are meant to be is what should matter most to you. In coming closer to my own true self, I have gradually been filled with the near inexpressible: I have simply become "brim full", and my words to you are drawn from those uttered within myself, as part of an undeniable overflowing that brings a smile to my every dusk, and to my every new dawn.
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