I could do that if I so wished, but my intention and my desire is to use it only as an expression of that which flows within me: that fullness of feeling and overflowing that steers me through my days and makes my daily living in this world such a gentle joy. That is what I long to be able to give, and what I would wish to become part of every person’s life.
More often than not, there is a discomfort to be overcome whenever a person admits openly to being a Christian for the first time. The pause in conversations that may follow, or the slightly awkward air about the people with whom we are speaking, is frequently taken to be the mild expression of distaste at what we have said, as though we have done something unpleasant or inappropriate. We feel that we may have created one of those view-changing moments for them, and it will take a while to find out if they will distance themselves from us. But with repeated admissions of our faith we become accustomed to hearing ourselves speaking aloud the words we have held silent within us for so long, and we come to appreciate that the apparent awkwardness of some hearers looks the same whether they wish we had not spoken, whether it is of no consequence to them, or whether they are delighted to hear us say it, but do not know how to respond.
There are many who may be helped to overcome their own discomfort, unvoiced admissions or questions, by hearing us say just a few words in a matter of fact way: no pronouncements or preaching, just making it known when the opportunity arises, that we believe in God, that we are Christians, that our lives revolve around our faith, and that life is so much richer because of it.
As Catholics we may be conscious of having another layer of awkwardness to overcome; we may have grown accustomed to admitting that we are Christians, but among people we do not know, we still hold back from saying we are Catholics until we have some idea of their own allegiances, if any. This second hurdle should not be there at all, and thankfully, in most minds, whether giving or receiving the information, it does not exist. It is a low level but inbuilt fear generated in some people by the incidents (like the one I have described) and the shocks of meeting those who have a clearly anti-Catholic mindset. We must always ensure that our perspective is aligned with reality, not skewed by the unreliable gauge of their utterances, whether in quantity or loudness.
As a result of the few incidents in my own life, I have to include myself among those who have encountered that second hurdle, not so much through a fear of finding myself in similar situations again, as through the feelings of inadequacy I have already mentioned: not having the answers, not knowing enough about the Church of which I consider myself a part.
My writing here could be taken as evidence of that; until recently I have not mentioned anything directly related to Catholicism and have not made it known that I am a Catholic. I admit that this has been deliberate, but the reasons are not as they may seem.
I have always been very aware of those people who are just out of reach: those who are searching and seeking and longing, but who, in spite of seeing something they want in the Christians and the church communities around them, are unable to approach us.
Are you one of those people? It is you, and others like you, who have been very much in my mind from the moment I thought of creating this blog, and because of my first hand experiences, and having no way of knowing what influences you may have had in your own lives, I have been niggled by the thought that some of you may easily be turned away by any mention of a specific church or denomination, Catholic or otherwise.
I now feel somewhat differently though I am unsure as to why. Perhaps it is a natural growth of openness resulting from the effects upon me of having thought and written here for nearly eighteen months: a sense of having got to know someone better that enables me to relax more in your company, as though I have been actually walking and talking with you.
That is precisely how I got to know Jesus better; I relaxed, and as everything seemed to begin falling apart around me, He was right there beside me. We became inseparable friends when, for a period, He walked every step of my journey with me.
In this case however, unlike my meeting with Jesus, I have not met anyone, and I am unable to overrule the thought that this whole process may be a Spirit-led venture, as much for my own benefit as for anything else. After all, the one person this has helped me to come to know a little better is myself.
Is that not what God wants from us all? To find our true selves and to live life in all its glorious fullness?
We were born to become the persons God made us to be, and in doing so, to give glory to Him who created us and who sustains us in all that we do.
There is a ‘Search Blog’ button at the top of this page. Presumably there is one on every blog, but until now I had failed to notice it. That in itself is like the presence of God in our lives: always there, so quick, so willing, and so able to answer our questions and to find and yield the very things we are searching for; not standing out from the crowd, unobtrusive and quietly waiting for us to come to Him. Unseen and unrecognized until we look with different eyes, and then un-missable and unforgettable.
I searched my own blog for the words below, and the results relate to all that I have written here before 30th April.
In a total of 87 posts the word ‘Catholic’ appeared in only one (20.02.08), and that arose only through writing about the word ‘separatist’ in relation to Northern Ireland. 'Christian’ was written in 7 posts, ‘Christ’ in 14, ‘Holy Spirit’ appeared in 19, ‘Jesus’ in 27, and ‘God’ was included in 66 posts.
Being a Catholic is important to me, but in the present context, I think that result is not too far from the way it should be.
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God is all, and all is God’s? Yes!
God is all, and all is God’s? Yes!
Jesus is alive and present among us? Yes.
The Holy Spirit teaches and guides us? Yes.
I believe that Jesus is Christ? Yes.
I call myself a Christian? Yes.
I am a Catholic? Yes.
