Thursday 30 October 2008

The Catholic in me (5)

There is no longer any real struggle within me over conscience and belief in connection with the teachings of the Church.
I take more interest now in what the Church teaches than at any earlier stage of my life’s journey, but my interest is not accompanied by any overwhelming sense that I must believe what I am told to believe, and must do what the Church tells me to do. I do have a lingering feeling that I ought to do as I am told, and ought to believe according to whatever the Church says, but I interpret this as an echo of the unquestioning fear that kept so many returning to their church pews in past years.
It is easier and safer to go along with routines and rules, whether written or unwritten, than to risk any action or expression of doubt or disbelief which would draw attention to oneself; attention that could result in anything from merely being frowned upon by some, and somewhat distanced from the fellowship previously enjoyed (if indeed there was any fellowship as opposed to secular friendship), to being shunned and completely ostracized by one’s fellow ‘Christians’. And heaven forbid that, once begun, this process should continue to the point where we may be confronted with the likelihood of excommunication from the Church. However remote this possibility may in fact be, the barely understood reality of such a separation and its possible causes hovers in the mind’s recesses in such a way that it plays its part in keeping the mouths of those who doubt firmly closed.

The fear experienced has not been a trembling in the face of imagined consequences so much as an underlying unease, among those around us as well as within ourselves, that someone might rock the boat by expressing a doubt or disagreement with which we are already burdened. As long as everyone maintains the outwardly peaceful status quo by remaining willing to bury their heads in the sand as often as may be necessary, we will all get along fine in everything from ecumenism to Eucharist and from love to liturgy; from riches to reconciliation and from poverty to prayer; this harmony may extend to encompass all parishioners and priests. We will rest easy in the knowledge that our own church – the one each of us believes to be how we imagine it to be – is the same today as it was yesterday, and if nothing draws attention to its instability, that it will still be the same tomorrow. If it has remained unchanged for many years, then surely it must be a rock upon which we can safely continue to stand.

In much of Europe today, Britain included, there are more people searching for a spiritual home than there are those who believe they already have one. Leaving aside those who are already part of a faith community, how can an active seeker after spiritual sustenance find reasons to think of joining a church if all they appear to offer is a house of cards, held together by a strangely peaceful combination of intellectual laziness, rugged individualism and spiritual numbness that makes their members ideally suited to being part of a flock? Jesus knew well what people were like; He knew that most of those who followed Him would never complete their spiritual journeys on their own: left to themselves they would drift and fall away; and He knows that we are still the same today.
“Feed my sheep.” (John 21:17 ) He told Peter. We are His sheep, and we need constant feeding and shepherding even to maintain our present position as part of a community of believers. To advance both our faith and our fellowship we need to be fed well, by today’s Peter and by the Bishops and priests whose task it is to bring the reality of God to life in the Holy Spirit led Church which exists for every one of us, but we particularly need to be fed by each other. Our individual relationships, our belonging and functioning as part of a parish or local community, our commitment to truth and justice and the need for all denominations to meet and draw closer together: an underlying commitment to the longing for the unity of all Christians; all these are both food and journey. Our own experiences form part of our journey, while our awareness of and involvement in the journeys of others provides food for our own, just as their sharing in our journey provides them with food for theirs.

In so many of life’s encounters outside the parish community, or away from our small groups of spiritual friends, we should be asking, ‘What would Jesus do?’ ‘What would Jesus say?’ If we can find the right answers to those questions, and act accordingly, we truly are Christians. Those answers will come through the guidance of the Holy Spirit; that is what He is here for, and in seeking that guidance we are striving for all that is truth. When we do this collectively, even if only two at a time, we are being the Church: we are proclaiming and advancing God’s Kingdom in Christ’s presence.

“For where two or three meet in my name, I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20)

Immediately before saying (in ‘Shaping our Future’), that ‘the church today’ is still ‘constituted by and utterly dependent upon the Holy Spirit’, J.S.Freeman wrote, ‘The church itself is ... not a sacred trust given to one generation to be handed on to the next, or a human institution to be carefully guarded or even carefully reformed for human purposes...’ (Quoted by Alan Abernethy in ‘Fulfilment and Frustration'.) The Church was instituted by Jesus for God’s purposes and for the benefit of mankind, not for mankind’s purposes and, if it should happen to coincide, for God’s benefit. Still less was it devised and instituted by mankind.

In his encyclical, On the Holy Spirit in the Life of the Church and the World, Pope John Paul II wrote of Baptism, ‘... the life-giving power of the Sacrament which brings about sharing in the life of the Triune God, for it gives sanctifying grace as a supernatural gift to man. Through grace, man is called and made "capable" of sharing in the inscrutable life of God.’ (Dominum et vivificantem 9.)
Does baptism have any value? Does it matter to us whether or not a baby is baptized?
Having spent time thinking about that young mother and her baby, I find myself longing for the baptism to take place. Yes, it does matter. Being ‘made capable’ of receiving all that God offers is not something any man or woman should knowingly deny to another.
Those of us who are baptized have been blessed with this capability, and it lives within us whether we are churchgoers or not. As adults, it is up to us to realize our blessings. Even those of us who give no more thought to God than to ‘religiously’ attend a weekly church service, blindly marking time in our pews and making sure we do not rock the boat, particularly for ourselves, are in touch with the reality of Christ’s Church. But being in touch with it is not enough; we must allow ourselves to be touched by it, to be fed by it, to be sheltered and healed by it if we are to become Christians in more than name. Then, as the Spirit lives in us, so shall we live in the Spirit. For those who are searching, we, individually and as a community, shall then become their reason to approach Christ’s Church.

I enjoy every contact I have with other churches and shall never regard any supposed differences between us as being anything other than what they are: entirely man made, and therefore completely within our own control. The complete unity of all Christians into one living whole – the Church as it is meant to be – is for us to aim for and to achieve. We already have the answer to all possible doubts, disbeliefs, divisions and protestations: the Holy Spirit. And if God is with us, and if we believe, why should we still fear a little unsteadiness? Why do we imagine everything turning into a storm? And if the storm does come, the only thing truly fearful about it is our own doubt.

‘... as they sailed He fell asleep ... they went to rouse Him saying, “Master! Master! We are lost!” (Luke 8:23, 24).

If we still allow ourselves to be ruled by doubt we have yet to embrace the change from being in touch with the Church to being touched by it. It is the touch that will bring both ourselves and the Church to life. It is the touch that makes us the Church.

The food is here in abundance. I have quoted above from one of Pope John Paul II’s encyclicals, and every such document is a powerful expression of a truth which awakens more deeply within the reader. I increasingly find such writings helpful as information and interpretation, both in their own right and in connection with my own directions and levels of belief, but more noticeably, and more relevantly, without quite understanding what it is they stir within me, these documents repeatedly confirm to me not only that I am a member of Christ’s Church, but a member of the Roman Catholic Church: the Church from which the various other churches and denominations have moved away.
I am learning over and over again that I am fortunate: that I am truly blessed to know that I am already home.

About Me

Who I am should be, and should remain, of little consequence to you. Who you are is what matters; who you are meant to be is what should matter most to you. In coming closer to my own true self, I have gradually been filled with the near inexpressible: I have simply become "brim full", and my words to you are drawn from those uttered within myself, as part of an undeniable overflowing that brings a smile to my every dusk, and to my every new dawn.
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