‘Look, I have opened in front of you a door that no one will be able to close’
(Revelation 3:8)
(Revelation 3:8)
Those words have returned to me more than once in recent days; quietly and comfortably, and with a gentle reinforcement of thoughts that had seemed somewhat scattered and unconnected, but which are now recognized as being part of the same underlying truth. Trains of thought, even those intermittent ones that progress slowly and steadily through the years, occasionally give me a flicker of light by which I recognize both their interconnectedness and the fact that I had, for a while, lost my awareness of an unforgettable fact; that the door once opened for me remains open. Always.
I quoted the same words at the end of an earlier post (08 Sept. 08 Door ajar) and find myself thinking back to the clearly marked time in my life when that door first seemed to be open before me.
It is almost always impossible to accurately identify a particular moment, or event, as the start-point of a meaningful spiritual journey.
The awakening of a living faith, and the birth of a previously inconceivable longing to dwell within that newfound wakefulness, becomes apparent only when we have, to some extent, already raised ourselves above the general and seemingly inescapable way of seeing, experiencing, and interpreting the life in which we have been living.
If we are conscious, however vaguely, of an interest that is more than merely superficial: a questioning, a wondering, a recurring wish to find out where a sense of there being something else touching our life may lead, we are already lifting our head above the worldly crowds around us. We have already moved beyond our start-point. Somewhere behind us, lost amid the numerous hints and touches that have been nurturing the tender growth within us, there will be someone or something that tipped our inner-self over the very edge of our initial self-discovery, bringing about the germination of the seed within. But even this unrecognizable point is not the real beginning of the journey we have already embarked upon. We set out first from a place somewhere between our initial realization of infantile joy at the ‘first light’ with which we began our life, and the time when our childhood development matured sufficiently for us to known, albeit unconsciously, that we had not entirely lost that light among the shades into which we had inevitably grown.
But all this vagueness is of little interest to us; and there is no conscious way in which any of it will ever matter to us , however real our early growth has been, and however much we may later realize how necessary to our realized potential every part of it has been. It is the moment we consciously experience as changing our way of seeing ourselves and the world around us that really matters; it is the moment we recognize as significant that does in fact become significant. It is the moment we experience deeply, and think back to constantly, that becomes our unmovable marker in space and time. However clearly we may later see that this is not our true start-point, we will never lose the sense of its having been the beginning of something important, something immense, and something previously unimaginable.
Whether this moment has already occurred, or whether you are still searching for the way of thinking, of believing, and of trusting that will lead you into a situation that becomes that moment for you, an awareness of the availability of whatever you seek awaits you, enlarging and deepening with the perseverance inspired in you by that moment. Is it truth you seek? Is it peace you crave? Is it faith you long for? Are you in desperate need of someone you can trust? Do you yearn for a safe haven? Do you weep for lack of love? Through grief? Through pain? Through lifelong suffering? Through loneliness? Are you numbed by lingering memories of loss, abuse, abandonment, remorse, or futility? Or are you energised, awakened, joyful? Even thrilled by a sense of growing closer to something undefined but holding out the promise of fulfilment and meaning?
Having lifted ourselves sufficiently by our pondering and wondering, something unexpected will either have occurred, or will occur when the time is right. Something which may grow warmly within us, catch us momentarily unawares, or takes us completely by surprise; a something which may later become fixed in our mind as the vital moment: the start-point of our journey. A thought, a person, a scene, spoken or written words, a sensation; whatever it may be, we come to regard this moment as a milestone in our life.
However unconsciously, and for however long we may have been stepping towards the experience of that moment, when it comes it is apparently unheralded, it is new, and it is life-changing. It is a point of departure for us: a flash of realization that gives no answers, but graces us with an awareness of the validity of our seeking and questioning. It leaves us knowing, not so much that we do not know the answers, but that every one of our questions has its answer waiting to become known to us. Having consciously placed a marker at that point in our life, it becomes that milestone; and having called it by that name, it becomes a significant and useful reference point from which to venture further into the new life that grows within us.
Any experience taken on board in this way truly is a milestone for us, but, in time, our increasing awareness, as well as opening the way and clearing the paths before us, will, as it were, seep slowly back into our memory of events and particular moments prior to that milestone. We begin to recall other events, people, places, words: moments which hindsight – in the light of our milestone experience – now shows to have been relevant. Previously unrecognized points begin to suggest the path that led us to our more conscious awakening, and this hazy but nonetheless real tracing of its course in the past, reinforces the significance of our milestone event. That reinforcement further strengthens our belief in the value of whatever may lie ahead. We no longer entertain thoughts about whether or not to continue; we are on our way, and however far we may wander from the path at times – and there will be such times – our faith journey will continue throughout our life. What we make of it, and to what extent we allow ourselves to respond to God’s presence in our life, is up to us. His longing for each one of us never ends, and his closeness will never diminish regardless of the ebb and flow of our enthusiasm.
Once we have acknowledged His presence by placing that milestone on our path, we can never lose the consequences of that moment: we can never lose Him. And, in the unlikely event that we should ever lose our trust in Him to the extent that we would even wish to try, we shall never be able to shake Him off. However far we may stray from the path of obedience, goodness, and love, we must never shrink into a hard shell of guilt, regret, or remorse, or feel that we can never be forgiven for something, however dreadful it may seem to have been.
He understands us: He knows us through and through. He is waiting for us.
I quoted the same words at the end of an earlier post (08 Sept. 08 Door ajar) and find myself thinking back to the clearly marked time in my life when that door first seemed to be open before me.
It is almost always impossible to accurately identify a particular moment, or event, as the start-point of a meaningful spiritual journey.
The awakening of a living faith, and the birth of a previously inconceivable longing to dwell within that newfound wakefulness, becomes apparent only when we have, to some extent, already raised ourselves above the general and seemingly inescapable way of seeing, experiencing, and interpreting the life in which we have been living.
If we are conscious, however vaguely, of an interest that is more than merely superficial: a questioning, a wondering, a recurring wish to find out where a sense of there being something else touching our life may lead, we are already lifting our head above the worldly crowds around us. We have already moved beyond our start-point. Somewhere behind us, lost amid the numerous hints and touches that have been nurturing the tender growth within us, there will be someone or something that tipped our inner-self over the very edge of our initial self-discovery, bringing about the germination of the seed within. But even this unrecognizable point is not the real beginning of the journey we have already embarked upon. We set out first from a place somewhere between our initial realization of infantile joy at the ‘first light’ with which we began our life, and the time when our childhood development matured sufficiently for us to known, albeit unconsciously, that we had not entirely lost that light among the shades into which we had inevitably grown.
But all this vagueness is of little interest to us; and there is no conscious way in which any of it will ever matter to us , however real our early growth has been, and however much we may later realize how necessary to our realized potential every part of it has been. It is the moment we consciously experience as changing our way of seeing ourselves and the world around us that really matters; it is the moment we recognize as significant that does in fact become significant. It is the moment we experience deeply, and think back to constantly, that becomes our unmovable marker in space and time. However clearly we may later see that this is not our true start-point, we will never lose the sense of its having been the beginning of something important, something immense, and something previously unimaginable.
Whether this moment has already occurred, or whether you are still searching for the way of thinking, of believing, and of trusting that will lead you into a situation that becomes that moment for you, an awareness of the availability of whatever you seek awaits you, enlarging and deepening with the perseverance inspired in you by that moment. Is it truth you seek? Is it peace you crave? Is it faith you long for? Are you in desperate need of someone you can trust? Do you yearn for a safe haven? Do you weep for lack of love? Through grief? Through pain? Through lifelong suffering? Through loneliness? Are you numbed by lingering memories of loss, abuse, abandonment, remorse, or futility? Or are you energised, awakened, joyful? Even thrilled by a sense of growing closer to something undefined but holding out the promise of fulfilment and meaning?
Having lifted ourselves sufficiently by our pondering and wondering, something unexpected will either have occurred, or will occur when the time is right. Something which may grow warmly within us, catch us momentarily unawares, or takes us completely by surprise; a something which may later become fixed in our mind as the vital moment: the start-point of our journey. A thought, a person, a scene, spoken or written words, a sensation; whatever it may be, we come to regard this moment as a milestone in our life.
However unconsciously, and for however long we may have been stepping towards the experience of that moment, when it comes it is apparently unheralded, it is new, and it is life-changing. It is a point of departure for us: a flash of realization that gives no answers, but graces us with an awareness of the validity of our seeking and questioning. It leaves us knowing, not so much that we do not know the answers, but that every one of our questions has its answer waiting to become known to us. Having consciously placed a marker at that point in our life, it becomes that milestone; and having called it by that name, it becomes a significant and useful reference point from which to venture further into the new life that grows within us.
Any experience taken on board in this way truly is a milestone for us, but, in time, our increasing awareness, as well as opening the way and clearing the paths before us, will, as it were, seep slowly back into our memory of events and particular moments prior to that milestone. We begin to recall other events, people, places, words: moments which hindsight – in the light of our milestone experience – now shows to have been relevant. Previously unrecognized points begin to suggest the path that led us to our more conscious awakening, and this hazy but nonetheless real tracing of its course in the past, reinforces the significance of our milestone event. That reinforcement further strengthens our belief in the value of whatever may lie ahead. We no longer entertain thoughts about whether or not to continue; we are on our way, and however far we may wander from the path at times – and there will be such times – our faith journey will continue throughout our life. What we make of it, and to what extent we allow ourselves to respond to God’s presence in our life, is up to us. His longing for each one of us never ends, and his closeness will never diminish regardless of the ebb and flow of our enthusiasm.
Once we have acknowledged His presence by placing that milestone on our path, we can never lose the consequences of that moment: we can never lose Him. And, in the unlikely event that we should ever lose our trust in Him to the extent that we would even wish to try, we shall never be able to shake Him off. However far we may stray from the path of obedience, goodness, and love, we must never shrink into a hard shell of guilt, regret, or remorse, or feel that we can never be forgiven for something, however dreadful it may seem to have been.
He understands us: He knows us through and through. He is waiting for us.
No matter what, He is always awaiting our return.
ALWAYS.
No matter what, the door, once opened, always remains open.
ALWAYS.
